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    Home ยป Learn About Paleo & Keto Diets

    Want to Stop Craving Comfort Food? Stop Making Food about โ€œGoodโ€ and โ€œBadโ€

    Last Modified: Feb 7, 2023 by Paleo Leaper ยท This post may contain affiliate links ยท Leave a Comment

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    Itโ€™s one thing to list alternatives to comfort-eating when youโ€™re stressed, or give some advice for avoiding the lure of quick-and-easy junk food. But you know what would be even better? Not wanting food for comfort in the first place!

    There are ways to do that with food โ€“ eating enough carbs helps, eating enough calories really helps, and to a certain extent you do just have to grit your teeth and power through the โ€œwithdrawalโ€ from using food as an emotional crutch. But craving comfort food isnโ€™t just about what you eat. Itโ€™s also about how you think about food. Specifically, itโ€™s about making food into a moral issue.

    Food is not โ€œgoodโ€ or โ€œbadโ€ by itself, and Paleo is not some kind of punishment that you โ€œdeserveโ€ for eating โ€œbad food.โ€ That line of thinking actually leads to even more urges to comfort-eat. Hereโ€™s the proof, and what to do instead.

    Food is Not Inherently โ€œGoodโ€ or โ€œBad.โ€

    Even if you donโ€™t usually notice it, youโ€™re surrounded by messages that assign moral value to food โ€“ some foods are โ€œgood,โ€ other foods are โ€œbad,โ€ and you are โ€œgoodโ€ or โ€œbadโ€ for eating or not eating them.

    To break it down a little more, hereโ€™s what it means to live in a society where food has moral value:

    • Talking about food as โ€œgoodโ€ or โ€œbadโ€ in a moral sense. Think of phrases like โ€œguilty pleasure,โ€ implying that by eating the food youโ€™re doing something wrong. How many times have you heard a decadent treat described as โ€œsinfulโ€?
    • Judging our own and other peopleโ€™s worth by what we ate or didnโ€™t eat. If you eat a salad, youโ€™re โ€œbeing good;โ€ if you eat a brownie, youโ€™re โ€œbeing bad.โ€ This is the same mindset that makes people think itโ€™s OK to shame and put down people they perceive as overweight.
    • Punishing or shaming yourself for eating certain foods, or feeling guilty after eating them.

    None of these thought patterns are healthy. Food does not have moral value. Youโ€™re not a good person because you ordered the salad, and youโ€™re not a bad person because you ordered the pizza. You might be a person with a stomachache, but that doesnโ€™t make you bad.

    These moral judgments about food cause a lot of unnecessary pain, shame, and suffering โ€“ and ironically, they also have a very clear relationship with comfort-eating. Treating food as a moral issue inevitably leads to a mindset where healthy eating and avoiding junk food is tied up with shame and punishment, and all the evidence shows that shame about food and your body rebounds in the form of comfort eating.

    Why Dieting as Punishment Doesnโ€™t Work

    When food is a moral issue, and eating unhealthy food is a โ€œbadโ€ thing that makes you a โ€œbadโ€ person, then trying to eat well and lose

    Sugar
    Not pictured: a measurement of your worth as a human being.

    weight becomes a kind of punishment for something you did wrong, and/or a constant struggle against cravings that are trying to tempt you into sin. Itโ€™s easy to be cruel to yourself when you see the urge to eat a cupcake as a moral failing on your part, especially with all that language about "guilty pleasures" and "sinful desserts" is right there at your fingertips. It's easy to shame or even hate yourself for eating a cookie if you think it makes you a bad person. And it's tempting to try to shame yourself as a motivational tool (e.g. "You ate a cookie; this is why you're fat and disgusting; now get on the treadmill and don't you dare come off for an hour!")

    Unfortunately, shame doesnโ€™t work, mostly because it tends to make people miserable. Itโ€™s well-known that negative mood is a strong trigger for cravings โ€“ and shaming or punishing yourself is a great way to get a raging negative mood in no time. An incredibly common and well-documented response to being shamed about weight, size, and eating is to turn to food for comfort. When people feel like theyโ€™re being forced or shamed into a diet, they actually comfort-eat more in response. That response doesnโ€™t magically go away just because youโ€™re turning the shame on yourself.

    Shaming yourself doesnโ€™t work for weight loss, either. This study noted that among patients who attempt to lose weight, relapsers showed more โ€œdisengaging coping strategies,โ€ a category that included negative self-talk (beating up on yourself). By contrast, people who successfully kept the weight off used less self-shame and more โ€œengaging coping strategiesโ€ like tackling the problem head-on or getting support from a friend.

    Shaming and punishment are direct consequences of seeing food as โ€œgoodโ€ and โ€œbad,โ€ and they rebound spectacularly. But at this point, you might be thinking something like โ€œif I canโ€™t punish myself for eating unhealthy food, how am I supposed to find the motivation to avoid the junk food? If I didnโ€™t get mad at myself or feel shame about my body, Iโ€™d have no motivation to stick with it!โ€ Thatโ€™s not actually true, and you do have alternatives.

    Staying Motivated Without Shame and Punishment

    The diet industry has spun us all a very convincing lie that we can (or even have to) hate and shame ourselves into being healthy. Just look at the way the trainers treat contestants on The Biggest Loser. But you do have options for convincing yourself to make good choices without self-hatred and moral judgment.

    First of all, take a look at the case for habit. Habit is a more effective strategy for long-term behavior change than relying on emotional motivation (positive or negative). The point is not to replace shame with some kind of positive emotion; itโ€™s to replace it with habitual behaviors that donโ€™t require you to get all emotionally fired up before you do them, because theyโ€™re so routine you do them on autopilot.

    When you do need some emotional motivation, replace โ€œIโ€™m going to punish myself for eating bad food/being a bad personโ€ with โ€œIโ€™m going to respect myself by making the healthiest choices for me, because Iโ€™m inherently worthy and deserve to feel great.โ€

    Try it for One Day

    Itโ€™s pretty daunting to think about completely overhauling your emotional frame of reference for food, so why not take it for a test drive? For one day, try an experiment and see how you like life when you donโ€™t treat food as a moral issue. For your one-day test-runโ€ฆ

    • Donโ€™t refer to foods as โ€œgood,โ€ โ€œbad,โ€ or โ€œevilโ€ (no, not even sugar!). If you accidentally do, stop and correct yourself.
    • Donโ€™t refer to yourself as โ€œgood,โ€ โ€œbad,โ€ etc. for eating or not eating particular foods. If you accidentally do, stop and correct yourself.
    • Donโ€™t deprive yourself of food in general or specific foods in particular as a punishment for something you think you did wrong.
    • Donโ€™t force yourself to do things with the promise of food as a reward. This includes exercising to โ€œearn your carbs.โ€ If youโ€™re alive and hungry, you have already โ€œearnedโ€ the right to eat as much as you need to feel full.
    • If you start experiencing a craving for a food you know isnโ€™t healthy for you in the long run, say some variation of this out loud: โ€œI choose not to eat ____________, because I respect my body and want it to be healthy and feel amazing.โ€ You have the power to reshape your thoughts; shape them into something positive.

    Try it out, just for a day, and see how you like it!

    Summing it Up

    If you want to avoid urges to eat for comfort, it really helps to completely dissociate food from shame, blame, โ€œgoodness,โ€ โ€œbadness,โ€ or punishment. Better living through violent self-hatred just isnโ€™t a sustainable way to go, and research shows that it actually increases cravings in the long run.

    Instead, focus on habit change and reframe healthy eating as a way of respecting yourself โ€“ if youโ€™re skeptical, just try it for a day (or maybe a week, if you want a longer period of time to get more data on how it affects you). Paleo is not a punishment that you "deserve" for anything you may or may not have eaten in the past; it's a way of eating that should make you feel like a million bucks all the time - and you can't feel like a million bucks if you're too busy shaming yourself over food!

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